Enough is Enough.

This is what I feel like sometimes....like I am spinning out of control and I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't really even know how to explain it. I really hope that I am right and there is a soul and a body because if emotions were just a chemical reaction that could be explained away by science, I don't think I could take it. If everything is random, then everything is pointless...there is literally no meaning. If 99% of humans are born with a conscience and 1% are not, and you cannot grow a conscience, does that mean that a human being can be born without a soul? I refuse to believe that a human being can be born without a soul. A soul could be trapped, maybe.

If human beings are merely the result of science, then the whole universe is just one big fat game and if thoughts aren't really thoughts but a chemical reaction then I don't know anything anymore. No, I refuse to believe it. I amn excited about this class that I'm taking, Dualism in the Ancient World. Everyone has a soul. Period.

I guess I strayed from my original thought, though. I feel like I am spinning out of control, like the photograph I used photoshop to distort. So many things inside me are changing, and I don't mean physical things, I mean abstract things. I mean, how can a person fall in and out of love this quickly? I simply can't. But I did. Andwhat do you do when you find out who you really are, when you find out that violin is only going to be a small part of your life and writing and training to become a detective is the main element? Man, I am so confused. I don't know who I am anymore. i guess a decision you make in sixth grade doesn't stick. But still, I used to love violin. I want to learn to love it again. Its trapped inside me. And when something is trapped, there is always a way to free it. I shoud know, because I freed my love for "Zach" from the complex workings of my unconscious. I guess that you can't have your cake and eat it too.

But what matters is destroying all remnants of evil. There are way too many perpetrators on the loose. I can't stand what has happened to this world. What happened to the me that thought that deep inside every person, no matter how deep it is buried, is some good untouched? But that is just ludicrous. I believe in the death penalty, because it is the only way to prevent serial killers and rapists from going at it again. Enough is enough.